The Thoughts of a Mentally Unstable Death Eater
by hp1piececraziness
Summary: Barty Crouch Jr. tries to excuse his insanity and contemplates other Death Eater related topics. This is a series of humorous drabbles. Some of the drabbles are not from Barty Crouch Jr.'s perspective, but most of them are. There's a bit of Bellatrix, Snape and the other Death Eaters later on. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; it belongs to J.K. Rowling.
1. Arithmancy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. It belongs to the epic J.K. Rowling. I am just an obsessed fan.**

**This was inspired by something that one of my friends said when we took a bunch of long prep-classes over the summer. We ended up doing math for hours and that drove a lot of people in the class crazy. It is from the viewpoint of Barty Crouch Jr. (my favorite HP character ever) and it is a little**** humorous**** drabble. It is definitely not my best fanfic ever. I usually write better than this.**

**Reviews are welcome, but no flames! **

Arithmancy

Many people have probably wondered exactly how I lost my mind and became the insane murderous criminal that I am today. I myself prefer the term "mentally unstable" over the term insane. I'm not completely sane, but that's probably part of what makes a good Death Eater.

Most people think that being imprisoned in Azkaban for a year and then being imprisoned by my father for twelve years under the Imperius Curse is the leading cause of my lack of sanity. Although they are probably partially right about that, I actually became mentally unstable in the summer after my fourth year.

Here's a little flashback:

Since I was going to be taking my O. the next year, my father decided that I needed to be preparing more. So, he signed me up for these Arithmancy classes over the summer and I ended up doing Arithmancy for three hours straight several days in a row. That would drive anyone crazy, right?

I did get 12 O. (yes, I am a genius), but I'm pretty sure that there was another way to do well on my O. without losing my sanity. But my father still blames me for being the way I am. It's all his fault, because he signed me up for the classes! He also did the whole "sending-me-to-Azkaban-when-there-was-no-proof-that-I-was-guilty" thing.

The other person who was in that class with me was Bellatrix. Well, we both went to Azkaban years afterwards and we're known to be some of the most mentally unstable Death Eaters ever. That's proof that too much Arithmancy causes a severe decrease in sanity.

I rest my case.


	2. Love?

**Author's Note (PLEASE READ): The different drabbles in this story will probably be from the viewpoints of different characters now, although this one is from Barty Crouch Jr.'s perspective. The rating of this story has also changed.**

Love?

Of course, we all know what the Dark Lord thinks of love, but many Death Eaters are asked what they think of love. We are usually not asked questions, unless we capture an Auror, Muggle, member of the Order of the Phoenix, Ministry official or person-that-we-just-hate-for-inexplicable-reasons and decided to kill them. We follow the basic etiquette of asking them if they have any last words, and the question, "What do you think of love?" often pops up.

The problem is that that is a _really_ hard question for most of us to answer. Um… hello, we're Death Eaters; love isn't really on our minds that often. Severus is an exception because I've heard him cry about Lily Potter at night, loudly. It has been over a decade, he needs to get over it.

I have never understood why victims can't ask simple logic questions or something about incantations. I suppose that you could Crucio them and demand that they ask you another question, but that wouldn't be the proper protocol. Everyone knows that you're supposed to torture, _then_ ask "Any less words?", _then_ let the person say their last words/ask their last question, _then_ kill them after their questions are answered.

It also isn't proper protocol to just ignore the victim's question. Whoever determined what proper Dark Wizard protocol is must have been drunk on Firewhisky when they made their decision.

Anyway I thought that I'd better think of an answer in case one of my victims ever asks me that question so that I can avoid the embarrassment of standing there with my wand to their throat like an idiot. I tried to think of a logical answer:

I believe that love must have somehow ceased to exist after the night of the Dark Lord's downfall on October 31, 1981. Love is something that people believe exists because they need some type of joy in their miserable existences. They finally realize that love is imaginary they proceed to fall into severe depression for a long period of time.

Severus Snape learned that the hard way. He is still in severe depression and brings hopelessness and sadness to everyone he is around, like a greasy dementor.


	3. Snape Voices His Disapproval

**Author's Note: This one is from Snape's perspective.**

Disapproval

It has come to my attention that Barty Crouch Jr. has called me a "greasy dementor" and insulted me in various other ways recently. To make things worse, he has posted it on the Muggle internet. I strongly disapprove of this for many reasons.

I would first like to point out that I do not cry loudly about Lily Potter in the middle of the night. He has no proof of it whatsoever. Whatever rumors Barty is spreading about me are untrue and absurd.

I would also like to note that I have never approved of the internet in the first place. Whenever I post something on the internet, it results in many insulting comments.

Lastly, I would like to say that I think that Barty Crouch Jr. is an annoying git. I have never liked him ever since he hexed me in my fourth year which resulted in me stumbling backwards and falling into an open broom closet. Unfortunately, we were surrounded by Gryffindors and they all start laughing at me. James Potter was especially amused.

Barty claims that he was aiming for Sirius Black and that it was my fault that I got in the way. He also called me a klutz for falling backwards into the broom closet.

I hate him so much.


	4. A Response and Some Apologies For Snape

**Author's Note: This is Barty Crouch Jr.'s viewpoint again. I know that in the book he received the Dementor's Kiss in the Goblet of Fire, but for these drabbles I'm just going to pretend that he didn't. I'll have a drabble about how he avoided it later on.**

A Response To Snape's Disapproval and A Few Apologies

I have been informed that Snape strongly disapproves of me insulting him on the internet. I never intended for him to approve of it, so that's okay. Plus, he disapproves of _everything_ so what's new? Snape is the grouchiest person in the world and no one can deny it. I loathe him and I will loathe him until the day one of us dies, which will probably be soon.

I am also astonished that he still hasn't forgiven me for _accidentally_ hexing him after twenty years. No matter how many times I apologize for it, he still holds a grudge against me. He also hasn't forgiven me for many other incidents that happened years ago.

I have apologized at least one hundred times for putting Howlers in his school bag in my first year. My father sent me a bunch of them. I was mad at Snape and his school bag was just lying there next to me, unguarded. I also apologized another hundred times when the Howlers later exploded in his school bag. At the time I didn't even know that they exploded if you didn't open them.

I also apologized many times for putting fireworks in his school bag in my second year, which resulted in his Potions essay being blown to bits. Okay, that time I _did_ intend to cause an explosion, but he had done something to annoy me, it was just payback.

I honestly didn't mean to push him in my second year. He just wasn't looking where he was going. It wasn't my fault that he lost his balance when he ran into me.

It also wasn't my fault that we just so happened to be by the Great Lake and he fell in.

Nor was it my fault that he was grabbed by a curious Giant Squid that tried to pull him underwater and Sirius Black just so happened to be standing by the lake with a camera.

I regret switching his shampoo with a mixture of olive oil and Polyjuice Potion. It was just meant as a harmless prank. There was no way that I could have possibly known that he was planning to ask Lily Potter out on a date that evening and had decided to wash his hair before asking her.

It was really an accident that I hit him with the Cruciatus Curse that time when we were fighting the Order.

I also nearly poisoned him once. I swear, I thought that I was poisoning someone else's pumpkin juice!

Honestly, Snape holds grudges over the most insignificant little things!


	5. Bellatrix Voices Her Disapproval

**Author's Note: I think that you can guess whose point of view this is by looking at the chapter title. This one is really short.**

Bellatrix Also Voices Her Disapproval

It is shameful for a person of my blood purity to be on the Muggle internet. However, I have been forced to do so.

Snape has informed me that Barty Crouch Jr. has been insulting him on the Muggle internet. Although I understand that it is highly amusing to insult Snape, it is disgraceful that a pureblood wizard chooses to spend so much time using Muggle technology.

I demand that Barty stops using Muggle technology, or else, I shall Crucio him for being a blood-traitor.

On the topic of insulting Snape, I encourage him to find another way to do so that does not involve Muggle technology. It gives all of us Death Eaters a laugh.

I would like to confirm that Snape does cry very loudly about the Mudblood, Lily Potter, at night. In fact, he cries so noisily that he wakes us all up. I am also in assent with Barty that Snape is a greasy dementor.


	6. What Purity?

**Author's Note: This one is Crouch's perspective again. **

What Purity?

I would like to make one thing clear to all of you:

There is NOTHING pure about my family.

The people who have the idea that the Crouch family is "pure" only know our blood status and do not realize how utterly disgusting my father was. Anyone who signs their son up for three hour long Arithmancy classes for three months, and then sends him to Azkaban is not pure.

I don't think that you can call me "pure" either, saying that I've committed several felonies throughout my life. That's a good thing for a Death Eater, but it's not really considered an accomplishment by the rest of the Wizarding World.

Anyway, everyone in my family except for me is dead, so I don't really have any family left to disgrace.

Another thing that Bellatrix does not understand is that once you start using Muggle technology, you sort of get addicted to it.

I can't leave Death Eater Headquarters (and no I am not telling you where Headquarters is) without getting arrested. The Dark Lord hasn't assigned me a mission in a really long time, so I've had a lot of spare time on my hands. To avoid boredom, I started going on the internet.

Trust me, if you were stuck inside with nothing to do except listen to Snape and Bellatrix rant, and someone demanded that you stay off the internet, you'd have serious trouble listening to them too.

Bella, if you read this, please don't Crucio me. I am not a blood traitor. If you must satisfy your need to torture someone, Snape is staying in the room next to mine. He doesn't lock the door, so you can just go right in.

Just as a safety precaution until your desire to torture me goes away, I've put protective charms around my bedroom, locked the door and barricaded the entrance.


	7. What It Is Like In Azkaban

**Author's Note: This is still Barty Crouch Jr.'s perspective. The next one will be Bellatrix.**

What It Is Like In Azkaban

Bellatrix took my advice and now she's in Snape's room upstairs. By the sounds of it, they're having a fight. I'm listening to the Wizarding Wireless Network at full volume right now to block out the screaming. Snape's probably going to confront me about this later and I am going to have a really hard time thinking of an excuse.

Recently, I captured an Auror. There was a short fight, but I won. It took me only a minute or so to stun them. After all, I am the Dark Lord's favorite and most skilled Death Eater. After the interrogation was over, I asked them if they had any last words, and here's what they said:

"What's Azkaban like?"

I was kind of shocked by how tactless the Auror was. If there's one thing that no Death Eater wants to talk about and it's Azkaban; that is if they served any time there.

Well, I had to answer their question. I stood there like some unprepared imbecile for a while, but eventually I came up with an answer.

Here's what I said:

"Azkaban is sort of like being surrounded by many clones of Severus Snape in a building with the air-conditioning turned up too high. It's freezing and miserable in there, but if you're severely pessimistic to begin with, all you have to worry about in Azkaban is the low temperature.

"The only good thing is that on a hot day in summer, when everyone outside is suffering from the heat, you don't have to deal with the heat. The downside is that instead you're suffering from the cold in a tiny cell, but at least you don't have to worry about heat stroke."

At that point, Rodolphus came in and killed the Auror before I could. This happens way too often, and it is truly unfair. I go through all the effort of tracking down an Auror and capturing them, and then I don't get to kill them because Rodolphus or Yaxley or one of the other Death Eaters always gets in the way.

It's just getting more and more complicated to kill an Auror nowadays with all of the questions they ask.


	8. Bellatrix Objects Again

**Author's Note: The title basically tells the point of view. This drabble is just something that I needed to put in the story, because it leads to the next drabble, which is going to be from Snape's perspective. This is basically Bellatrix ranting, because as you probably know, she has anger issues.**

Bellatrix Objects!

I am not only appalled that Barty Crouch Jr. continues to use Muggle technology for fun. I am also enraged that he claims to be "the Dark Lord's favorite and most skilled Death Eater."

I thought that I had made it clear years ago that _I_ am the Dark Lord's favorite and most skilled Death Eater and no one else has a chance of taking that title from me.

Barty has gotten really cocky ever since he helped the Dark Lord rise again. I would have done that and I would have been able to do a much better job if I hadn't been in Azkaban at the time.

Barty is not half as loyal to the Dark Lord as I am. I remember that doing our trial while I was proudly proclaiming my loyalty, he was begging his father that he was innocent.

While we're on that topic I would like to say that Barty never helped to torture the Longbottoms. I refuse to let him take any credit for something he never did.

Rodolphus has a video of Barty begging his father, and as much as I disapprove of Muggle technology, that video is hilarious. Rodolphus was considering posting it on the internet. I approve of that idea.

This is a warning for Barty:

I cannot believe that you have the nerve to call yourself the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater. As soon as I get through the protective enchantments you put around your room and the barricade, _you are going to wish that you were never born_.


	9. I'm Trying To Read Here

**Author's Note: Here's the other Snape Drabble. If you have any comments, please review, but no flames!**

I'm trying to Read Here!

Apparently, Barty has once again angered Bellatrix, who managed to break the protective enchantments around his bedroom. Barty is now screaming in agony, very loudly.

I approve of Bellatrix using the Cruciatus Curse on Barty, because he has once again compared me to a dementor, however the shrieks of pain are extremely distracting. I am trying to read An Expert's Guide to Pessimism. If Bellatrix is reading this, I would advise that she gag Barty or use a Selencing Charm, so that she can torture him without disturbing my reading.

An Expert's Guide to Pessimism is a useful book. Lucius Malfoy got it for me on my birthday in my third year at Hogwarts. Barty also got me a present, but it turned out to be a Howler in a box, which exploded in my face. Everyone in the Slytherin common room started to laugh. I despise laughter almost as much as I despise Barty.

I am glad that I have finally found a book devoid of joy and happy couples. Nowadays, it is difficult to find a book where the main character does not fall in love and "live happily ever after." It should be illegal to put such things in books, especially books for children. It is cruel to deceive children into thinking that life is full of cheerfulness.

Sadly, now I cannot even read in peace with Barty's screams echoing throughout this whole building. How is it that Barty can annoy me even when he is being tortured?


	10. Alecto Needs Her Sleep

**Author's Note: This is Alecto's POV as you can probably tell by the chapter title. Alecto is another one of my favorite Harry Potter villains, but she's also one of the less known ones. This one is really short and it's not as good as the previous one, but it's one of those things that I need to add in to continue the story.**

Alecto Needs Her Sleep

Bella, this is a message for you:

I do not object in any way to you torturing Barty in the room across the hall. I do, however, agree with Severus that you are torturing him too loudly.

It is 1:00 in the morning and the screaming is keeping us all awake. I have been working hard and staying up late tracking down members of the Order and I _need_ my sleep. Trust me; you do not want to be around me when I'm sleep deprived.

The screaming is one of the downsides of the Cruciatus Curse. I always use a simple Silencing Charm to make sure that my victim stays quiet while I torture them. I'd advise doing the same with Barty.

But please don't torture Barty to insanity like you did the Longbottoms. I think that the Dark Lord would be mad at you if you did. I'm not trying to say that he favors Barty over you, but he does like Barty. Besides, Barty's funny. Headquarters would be sort of dull without him tormenting Snape all the time!


	11. That Hurt

**Author's Note: Barty Crouch Jr.'s POV again. Once again, this is something that I needed to put in, because it leads up to the next drabble which is Snape's POV again.**

That Hurt

Bellatrix decided to listen to Alecto and stop using the Cruciatus Curse.

Right now, I'm aching too much to torment Snape. I'm paying Rabastan Lestrange to take over most of the tormenting while I recover, but I'm going to try to do little things for now to at least annoy Snape.

A lot of people may wonder why I am constantly trying to get on Snape's nerves. Sometimes, I do it unintentionally, but sometimes I don't.

Besides the fact that it's just really amusing to irritate Snape, I've never really liked him ever since he poured Veritaserum down my throat last year. I nearly choked on it and you have no idea how awful that stuff tastes. You also don't know the questions that he asked me after Dumbledore was done interrogating me. Believe me, they were just pain embarrassing.

I think that there's some sort of analgesic potion that we usually keep at Headquarters, but Snape has been hogging all of it. I'm desperate right now for some pain relievers, so I've been reduced to using Muggle medication.

They don't work as well as the potion, so I'll probably have to steal the potion from Snape. He leaves his private stores of potions and potion ingredients completely unguarded, so it's really easy to steal from him. It really isn't that surprising that everyone takes his things at Hogwarts. Even second years managed to rob him. How sad is that?

I do steal from his pretty often and half of the time he doesn't even notice.

Snape, if you're reading this, which you probably are, I am not telling you what I stole; you'll have to figure it out yourself.


	12. Snape's Response

**Author's Note: This is Snape's POV again. It's really short. The next drabble will also be Snape's POV.**

Snape's Response

I have read Barty's complaint that I hog all of the palliative potions. I need them more than him. I constantly drink them in futile attempts to take away the pain of my past.

I have also read Barty's "excuse" for being the bane of my life at Headquarters. I would like to state that he completely deserved to have Veritaserum poured down his throat, even if it made him choke.

Even if I had accidentally made him choke to death somehow, that wouldn't have been so bad for him because death is a blessing. Few people realize that.

Death is a blessing that I have not yet been blessed with, and my life is a curse. As I have stated, the potions that I am now taking are nearly useless, for nothing can truly take away the painful bitterness of my life.


	13. Oh Hated Excitement

Oh, Hated Excitement

I thought that I had finally found a place that is without enthusiasm. I was wrong.

The Dark Lord arrived today. I was somewhat glad to see him, but I did not smile. Smiling is an activity that I have not engaged in for over twenty years.

After the Dark Lord left, Barty and Bellatrix were still in states of pure elation as though they had both eaten three bags of sugar. In fact, Rabastan and Amycus have recently given Barty a bag of sugar because Barty was feeling too tired to torment me after he was tortured and they wanted to see him vex me again.

According to the other Death Eaters, watching Barty get on my nerves is very entertaining. Why must everyone in this world be so cruel?

The sugar worked. I loathe sugar. I despise its sweetness and how it often makes people hyper and joyful.

Earlier today, Bellatrix and Barty were so excited that they overcame their usual animosity towards each other and joined forces to annoy me for fun. The fact that everyone was so happy annoyed me to begin with, so it was completely unnecessary for them to spoil the ending of _An Expert's Guide to Pessimism _for me. I am aware that that book is non-fiction, but I hate it when people tell me the contents of the last chapter of any book.


	14. Sabotage

**Author's Note: This drabble is Barty Crouch Jr.'s POV again. It's just a little thing that I wrote pretty quickly. The next one will be a Snape drabble and it's better than this one.**

**I will be starting school in about a week. Once school starts, I will not be able to update as often; however I will continue to update all of my stories. **

**Sabotage**

In a few moments, Rodolphus will owe me two galleons.

Last week, Snape started brewing a complicated potion. As his tormentor, it was my job to ruin it.

I started going over my plan to sabotage the brewing process in the living room at Headquarters. I made this intricate little blue-print on how to break into Snape's storeroom and mess up the potion.

Then, Rodolphus came in. He told me that my plan was stupid and that it would never work. We got into an argument. Eventually, I gave him a bloody nose and he gave me a black eye. The Lestrange family often injures me.

The argument ended with us making a bet:

If I don't succeed Rodolphus gets to Crucio me for half an hour. If I succeed in sabotaging Snape's potion, Rodolphus owes me two galleons.

Although it's really fun to Crucio people, I prefer money.

Anyway, I just added a few extra ingredients in Snape's cauldron. The explosion and frustrated groans should come soon.


	15. Horrible Dreams

Horrible Dreams

I spent a week trying to brew a satisfactory dreamless sleep potion, but once again Barty has somehow managed to slip a whole bottle of dragon blood into the cauldron. When I came back to add a bezoar, the potion exploded in my face. After it exploded, I was covered in white foam that smelled like flowers, which I hate. I managed to wash off the foam, but the nauseating smell of flowers still remains.

Every time I try to brew a dreamless sleep potion, Barty always destroys my hard work. This has become very frustrating. It is a shame that few understand the effort and skill that it requires to brew potions. In the same way, few understand how much I need that dreamless sleep potion.

Usually it is used for medical purposes; however dreams do not only plague the sick and injured. Dreams are one of the curses of the world. Most of my dreams are about Lily. Sometimes, they even fill me with happiness, which is another curse of the world because it fades so quickly. Happiness is really just another form of despair.

When I awake from the dreams that fill me with temporary bliss, I realize that my joy was only an illusion, and the realization only increases my sorrow.

My other dreams are also about my time at Hogwarts, when James and Sirius were my tormentors instead of Barty. Those are also horrible dreams.

After I have a dream, I am unable to fall asleep for the rest of the night, and in the morning, I am sleep deprived. Without drinking dreamless sleep potion, even while I am asleep, my life is a pit of endless misery.

This time, I _will_ get revenge on Barty.


	16. Snape's Revenge

**Author's Note: This is from the point of view of Alecto Carrow. It's not really good, but it leads up to later drabbles.**

Snape's Revenge

Barty accidently drank The Drink of Despair. He thought that he was drinking coffee, but I knew that something was wrong when he started acting like Snape. Eventually, he started begging Bellatrix to kill him. Bellatrix just shrugged and raised her wand. I managed to stop her from using the Killing Curse.

The effects of the potion wore off, and Barty went back to being himself. That was a relief, since I don't think that I could deal with two Snapes. One Snape already makes Headquarters feel like Azkaban sometimes.

I'm pretty sure that it was Snape who switched the coffee with The Drink of Despair. He kept saying that he wanted revenge on Barty. I'd advise him to use Cruciatus Curse next time. It's a really good way to get revenge on someone. Plus, it's just really amusing to see people torture Barty. It's funny to see him writhe and scream on the ground.

It's a real shame that Rodolphus lost that bet. Headquarters is really boring when no one's getting tortured. Barty made another bet with Bellatrix. I'm not sure what they're betting on, but if Bellatrix wins she gets to Crucio Barty. Maybe I'll intervene and make sure that Bellatrix wins.

In a way, I'm kind of glad that Snape switched the coffee with the Drink of Despair. I can deal with Barty when he's depressed; however, I can't deal with Barty after he drinks caffeine and becomes really hyper. Believe me, when you have someone who's an insane criminal to begin with, you do not want to give them caffeine.


	17. Revenge for the Revenge

**Author's Note: This is Barty Crouch Jr.'s POV. The next drabble will also be Crouch Jr.'s perspective.**

Revenge for the Revenge

I managed to get revenge on Snape for switching my coffee with The Drink of Despair. In a way, it's revenge for his revenge. This is going to get confusing, and I have a feeling that this revenge thing is going to turn into an endless cycle, but it would go against my unforgiving nature to just let the whole Drink of Despair thing go.

That stuff is almost as bad as the Cruciatus Curse. It burns your throat and it tastes horrible, not that I really expected liquid despair to taste good.

I've almost gotten used to the taste of polyjuice potion, because I had to drink it every hour for nine months during the last mission that the Dark Lord assigned me, but the Drink of Despair tastes even worse than polyjuice potion.

I just sprayed five bottles of hibiscus scented perfume in Snape's bedroom and the room where he keeps his potion ingredients. To me, that stuff actually smells pretty good, but it doesn't to Snape.

Snape has been yelling death threats at me for the past few hours. It's not at all unusual for someone to be screaming death threats at me. Snape's not murderous, so I'm not really worried. He's just really grouchy.


	18. Getting Rid of the Competition

Getting Rid of The Competition

I admit that I could have thought up a more creative way to vex Snape, but I have other things to worry about. The Dark Lord is coming in a week and in order to get his attention, I have to get a few other people out of the way.

I have a bunch of poisons ready and I've been practicing many curses. I made another blueprint of how I'm going to take care of the other Death Eaters.

Crabbe and Goyle are always easy to take care of. They're idiots and are very easy to trick. The Dark Lord never pays attention to Wormtail, so I don't have to worry about him. The Carrows are probably going to poison each other again, so I don't have to worry about them either.

Lucius Malfoy is also going to be there, but the Dark Lord favors me over Lucius for my fanatical loyalty and always pays more attention to me.

The Lestranges are slightly harder. I'm more worried about making sure that they don't tie me up and lock me in a broom closet like they did once.

As for Snape, I made a list a few months ago containing 100 ways to incapacitate Snape, so I won't have any trouble devising a plan to get Snape out of the way.

I'm either going to curse or poison the other Death Eaters. It works every time!


	19. Ways To Get Rid of Barty

**Author's Note: This is Bellatrix's POV.**

Ways to Get Rid of Barty

Since the Dark Lord is coming, I have been brainstorming ways to get rid of Barty. Ever since that little git came along, I've had competition for the Dark Lord's attention. I want to make it clear that I am the Dark Lord's best Death Eater, and Barty is_ nowhere_ close to being the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater.

I would get rid of Barty for good, but the Dark Lord won't let me. However, the Dark Lord doesn't really mind if I temporarily incapacitate Barty, so that's what I'm going to do.

Once, when the Dark Lord came to Headquarters, Rodolphus, Rabastan and I attacked Barty in the middle of the night, tied him up, gagged him, and locked him in a broom closet, along with a couple of the other Death Eaters. That was fun, but he's probably going to put protective enchantments and be more alert at night to prevent us from doing that again.

I suppose that I could always just stun him or paralyze him, but that would be boring. There's also the option of Crucio-ing Barty until he loses consciousness. I did that before once, just for entertainment, and it was a lot of fun. However, he always wakes up too soon and the other Death Eaters always complain about the shrieking. Also, the Dark Lord would be angry if I accidently tortured him to insanity.

Of course, I could always us a potion to make him faint or feel sick, but that's sort of amateur. I'm pretty creative when it comes to these things so I'll think to a good way to make sure that Barty stays out of the way.


	20. Snape's Hopes

**Author's Note: This is Snape's POV again. This isn't my best Snape Drabble ever, but the next one will be better. The next one will be Snape's POV also.**

Snape's Hopes…

I still have not managed to purge my room of the smell of hibiscus flowers. The people who make perfume are very sadistic.

Soon, I shall be going back to Spinner's End, my horrible abode. I will be able to get away from Barty and the other Death Eaters. My misery will lessen _slightly_.

I hope that Barty gets his soul sucked out by a dementor while I am away. About two years ago, I became slightly hopeful when I thought that Barty had been sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss, but I was apparently wrong. I don't know how all of my foes always mysteriously avoid the Dementor's Kiss. It is frustrating.

Sometimes I wonder whether it would really be so dreadful to receive the Dementor's Kiss. Perhaps, it is no worse than the life I'm currently living, or maybe, it is better.

I also hope that before Barty receives the Dementor's Kiss, Bellatrix wins that bet that Alecto mentioned to me. I told the other Death Eaters to send me a video of Bellatrix torturing Barty if she wins, since sadly, I will not be there to witness it myself.


	21. Change Brings Misery

**Author's Note: Snape makes a feeble attempt to end with a commonly asked "profound" question. Does it have the effect that he wants? Of course not.**

Change Brings Misery

My despair will increase again when I have to go back to Hogwarts to teach those awful children. If only they were all like the Slytherins, whom I do not show biased favoritism towards. I just so happen to like Draco Malfoy a lot.

The Ravenclaws are know-it-alls, who keep correcting me in class. The Hufflepuffs mainly sit there and ask too many questions. Why must students pester me with questions?

The Gryffindors are the worst. True, the Gryffindor students that I teach are not experts at tormenting me yet, but there are so many of them, and they are often very happy.

Seeing them reminds me of my fifth year, after my friendship with Lily disintegrated, when everyone in the Slytherin common room was laughing and making plans for their summer, while I was alone, sobbing in my dormitory. My sobbing was interrupted when Barty set off a box of fireworks on my bed, singing my hair and robes.

I really despise my job. It brings back so many painful memories. I am the last person who needs to be reminded of their painful memories.

How is it that people like me have to teach a group of cheerful children at the school where their worse memories occurred, while people, like Barty and Bellatrix don't have a job, but keep getting rewarded by the Dark Lord? The Dark Lord never rewards me. In my case, life is far from rewarding. All I can hope is that it will end soon.

This year, I shall be teaching Defense against the Dark Arts. I have wished to teach Defense against the Dark Arts for years, but I will miss the sound of bubbling cauldrons and brewing potions. I now realize that change only brings more misery even if things supposedly "change for the better."

Unfortunately, I have already been replaced by a teacher named Horace Slughorn and can never get my job back as the potions teacher even if I want to in the future. If I am no longer the Potions Master, who am I?


	22. Who Snape Is

**Author's Note: This is again, Crouch's perspective. The next one will be also.**

Who Snape Is

Snape is currently in a _very_ severe state of depression (even more severe than usual, although that's hard to believe) and he keeps moaning about how he doesn't know who he is now that how he's no longer "The Potions Master."

The answer to that question is obvious. He's a pessimistic, biased teacher who never washes his hair. Everyone knows that.

I may be mistaken, but I could have sworn that he had another nickname besides "The Potions Master." I'm pretty sure that it's something about his blood-status and the last name of his mother.

I remember that Snape used to write it on all of his school belongings. I know this, because a few of his belongings somehow ended up in my possession during our days of school, including a two page long essay he wrote about how much he hates his life, a bottle of shampoo (which he obviously never used), a crumpled up love note to Lily (which I would have showed the rest of the Slytherins if he hadn't taken it back) and a doll in a pink dress.

Those things weren't even items that I would want (especially the doll… I didn't even know until then that Snape owned a doll), and to this day, I haven't figured out a possible reason I would ever steal those sorts of things. Maybe I just did it to annoy Snape.

I would also like to state that Snape was never the master of potions. As far as I'm concerned, he hasn't exactly mastered many things in his life.


	23. The Benefits

**Author's Note: This isn't my best one ever, but feel free to review if you have comments. I've been reading your reviews (if you've been reviewing for this story, thank you so much ). I would like to say that I am going to have a bit of the Order members (whom I hate, no offense to you people who love them) in future drabbles.**

The Benefits

After looking more closely at one of Snape's posts, I have also realized that he claims that I do not have a job and I do not deserve the rewards given to me by the Dark Lord.

I have had to clarify this at least fifty times in the past. As far as I'm concerned, being a Death Eater qualifies as having a job. True, I don't exactly get paid to be a Death Eater, but it's still a very rewarding job. Anyway, I get my money from the bets I make with the Lestranges, which is a pretty good way to make money, even if there is the possibility that I'll end up writhing on the floor in pain for half an hour or so.

One main benefit is that there is less of a chance that the Dark Lord will kill me and feed me to Nagini, which is a situation that I'd really like to avoid. It is also less likely that he will torture me to insanity. The Lestranges might do that in the future, but that's completely unrelated and I can't do anything to prevent that from happening.

There is still a small chance of either the Dark Lord killing/Crucio-ing me, depending on how well the next task he assigns me goes, but I suppose that failure always has its little consequences. Snape should know that since his life is pretty much one big failure.

I can't think of the other benefits at the moment, but that doesn't mean that there aren't more of them. I'm sure that there are many other good things about being a Death Eater. It really is a wonderful job.

I am certainly not just saying this to assure myself that becoming a Death Eater was completely worth further dishonoring my family and throwing away every hope that I had of a normal life; I don't know where people get that idea from.

Bellatrix, if you are reading this please help me think of the other things that all of us gain by being Death Eaters, since you're obsessively devoted to the Dark Lord also.


	24. The Honor

**Author's Note: Bellatrix's POV. Aloofness galore! **

The Honor

Barty has failed to state the obvious reason why all of us joined the Death Eaters. We all joined for the honor of serving the Dark Lord.

Because he is half-blood and because he is Snape, Severus will never understand how much of a privilege it is to serve the Dark Lord. Severus doesn't consider anything is a privilege. He just looks at everything in the world as devices of torment and he looks at life as a pit of endless woe. He moans about his life too much for my liking. I hope that something bad happens while he's at Hogwarts, so that I never have to see him again.

Barty doesn't really understand the honor either, because he's a disgrace. I think that that has always been evident to all of us Death Eaters.

Besides the honor, it is really a delight to be a Death Eater. The Unforgivable Curses will satisfy any longing for revenge and all of your sadistic needs.

There's one other thing I'd like to add:

I can't believe that Snape had a doll in a pink dress. I didn't even play with dolls when I was a child. I bet that he had a little hair ribbon and purse for the doll too. Sometimes it feels like I am the only good Death Eater that the Dark Lord has.


	25. The Numerous Downsides

**Author's Note: As promised, here's a bit of the Order. This is Mad-Eye Moody's perspective.**

The Numerous Bad Parts of Being a Death Eater

I have spent my life capturing Death Eaters, and I have never understood why anyone would ever voluntarily join the Death Eaters. Besides the fact that they are a disgusting organization, by joining the Death Eaters, you are signing up for a short life that is full gloom.

I have noticed that most Death Eaters do not live past the age of 45. In fact, most of them die horribly gruesome and agonizing deaths within the year that they join. Sometimes, they are murdered by other Death Eaters.

I assure you that nothing like that has ever happened in the Order of the Phoenix before. None of us have ever murdered one of our fellow members of the Order. We also live longer and happier lives. The founder of the Order, Albus Dumbledore, is currently 114 years old.

Judging by what I've heard from people who have been to the Death Eaters' Headquarters, the level of pessimism and depression there is unbearable. I do not know how some of the Death Eaters can live like that for their entire lives.

I would also like to add that being a Death Eater certainly does not qualify as a job. The last I've heard, Barty is currently having to risk being tortured by his fellow Death Eaters to make money. That's just pathetic. I've never liked Barty ever since he kidnapped me and kept me in a trunk for nearly a year.

If you join the Order you can be in a friendly environment where your allies won't try to murder you in your sleep and you can have a good job as an Auror or Ministry official. However, if you join the Death Eaters, you will be unemployed, you will be a failure in life like Barty, you will disgrace your family and in the end, you will be decapitated by one of your fellow Death Eaters. What would you rather do?


	26. Exercising Caution

**Author's Note: Barty Crouch Jr.'s POV again. This took me a while, because I reached a writer's block. **

**Someone has requested a drabble from Dumbledore's POV. I seriously think that that could be really funny. I'll probably do a Dumbledore drabble eventually, depending on when I can turn my ideas into writing. That's usually the way it works for my other drabbles. I just need to put things into words.**

Exercising Caution

I cannot deny that there are a few _minor _risks that come with being a Death Eater. True, there is a possibility that you will be killed in your sleep and or tortured to insanity by the person in the bedroom sleeping across the hall from yours at our Headquarters, but everything in life has some downsides, right?

The risks honestly aren't that terrible and major incidents don't really happen too often. We've only had three incidents where a Death Eater kills another by "accident." As for torture, well, the only person who gets tortured on a regular basis is me and I still enjoy being a Death Eater.

The torture is something that can't be helped. Bellatrix just likes using the Cruciatus Curse. She can't control her cruelty; I think she was just born sadistic. That's part of what makes her the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater. Well, I guess you could say that she's tied with me for favorite Death Eater, but let's not discuss that topic. It leads to diatribes.

Anyway, all of the little incidents that the Order mentions to try to discourage people from becoming Death Eaters can easily be avoided if one simply exercises caution. For example, all Death Eaters should glance over their shoulder every now and then to make sure that no one's trying to sneak up on them and use the Killing Curse. I always do that, because if someone is trying to sneak up behind me, it's usually because they want to sever my head or steal my money.

Most of the other Death Eaters either want my head, my money or, in Bellatrix's case, both. I've gotten used to it.

The Death Eaters may not be the most peaceful organization that there is out there, but I wouldn't exactly call the Order of the Phoenix a completely "friendly environment." Trust me, I saw those people fight over who gets to use Remus Lupin's laptop computer once and it was a pretty intense fight.


	27. Longevity is Also a Curse

**Author's Note: Snape's POV again. Enjoy! **

Longevity is Also a Curse

It has become clear that the Order has a serious misconception concerning what is a blessing and what is an adversity. For example, I have never understood why they value longevity. The longer your life is, the more woe you will have to endure. It all makes sense. If you have a long life, there will be more time for horrible things to happen to you.

Longevity is also a curse in the sense that if your enemy lives a very long time, they will be able to torture you for many years. Barty has already lived a bit too long for my liking. I don't understand why he hasn't used the Killing Curse on himself already, since his life is so pathetic and he loves using that curse.

The Order always uses Albus Dumbledore as an example of how longevity is supposedly rewarding. They always point out how many things Dumbledore has accomplished and how he is viewed by many people as the Greatest Wizard on Earth.

Dumbledore is a great wizard, but many people do not understand that titles and superlatives do not make life any less painful than it naturally is. I was voted "Most Likely to Jump off a Cliff" and "Most Negative Thinker" in my seventh year at Hogwarts. Earning those superlatives certainly did not make my life any less agonizing.

Dumbledore is also on chocolate frog cards, which the Order considers a great achievement. I hate chocolate frogs and chocolate frog cards. It is so frustrating when you always get the same cards over and over again.

I have already stated that I despise sugar. I therefore also despise chocolate and wish it could be eliminated from the surface of the earth. I also do not understand why anyone would want to eat chocolate in the shape of frogs. Frogs make too much noise and they keep me awake at night.

I also do not think that any "reward" is worth having to live for as long as Dumbledore. I cannot imagine having to live to be 114 years old. I swear that if I live to be fifty, I will prove that I deserved that superlative and leap off the nearest cliff. Sadly, cliffs seem to be scarce in Spinners End. I may have to substitute the cliff with a tall building. It seems that even suicide will never turn out the way that I want it too.


	28. Satisfying Boredom

**Author's Note: This is Crouch's POV. Sorry it took me so long to update. School really slows down the writing process. This is mainly here to lead up to another drabble that I will post ASAP. It will probably be from the POV of someone in the Order. In case I don't get to post on Halloween, Happy Early Halloween!**

Satisfying Boredom

It's nearly Halloween, and most of us Death Eaters have been getting a little bored. We haven't really committed any headline felonies in a while. The last mildly amusing thing that we did was make that Muggle bridge collapse. We did manage to cause quite a bit of fear and panic, but it really wasn't as satisfying as what we used to do during the First War.

The Dark Lord came and went. He didn't even have any developing schemes that I could take part in, which was quite disappointing.

So, I've been going through a sort of Snape-ish phase where I feel like my life is meaningless, and so have some of my Death Eater friends. (Yes, I wish that most of my fellow Death Eaters would die sudden deaths so that I can get them out of my way, but I do somewhat get along with some of them. I know it's surprising, but I do have some social skills.)

We're all sick of this monotony (I don't know how Snape can live like this for over thirty years), and I don't think that any of us can last any longer without going into an Unforgivable Curse withdrawal . Luckily, about a week ago we had a little meeting and we devised a scheme for Halloween, which is the perfect time to cause some mischief.

We do something new to the Order every Halloween. It's become a bit of a tradition. The best part of it is this: the Order is never able to guess what we're going to do to them.

Here's a little message for all you Order members:

First of all you should be getting scared right about now. Sorry, but we really can't tell you the details of the plan. That would ruin the surprise, but it's going to be really fun (for us Death Eaters at least). Secondly, the Death Eaters would like the wish you a happy Halloween and we all hope that most of you get mauled by chimeras sometime in the future.

Hopefully, this will _at_ _least_ get us a short article in the Daily Prophet.


	29. The Outcome of the Ambush

**Author's Note: Nymphadora Tonk's POV. This is the first time I'm trying this POV.**

The Outcome of the Ambush

A bunch of other people in the Order and I were heading back to headquarters when we were ambushed by Death Eaters who apparently got bored on Halloween. Those people really need to break their addiction to the Unforgivable Curses. It's really gotten to be an unhealthy addiction as far as my aunt and a few others are concerned. I wonder if there's medication that you can take for that addiction.

Anyway, I think we can all agree that the worst thing that happened was that the Death Eaters apparently stole Remus Lupin's laptop computer. I don't know why they'd want it, saying that all of them either oppose the internet or have their own computer. Besides, Lupin's laptop is antediluvian and it has at least ten viruses because he can't stop opening chain e-mail links.

Unfortunately, that is the only computer that any of us members of the Order have access to at our headquarters and I cannot survive another day without surfing the internet. I've currently using my phone to get this desperate message to Barty, but the battery is almost gone and the Death Eaters also stole my phone charger. Life is boring without internet connection.

Dumbledore came back to Headquarters for a while. He's started suggesting all of these "alternative forms of entertainment." Dumbledore is a great wizard, but he doesn't really understand that charades gets _really_ old after a while. He loves that game a little bit too much.

My hair is black and oily like Snape's hair right now. That's how depressed I am; I'm starting to look like the world's most desolate wizard. Crouch, I demand that you return that computer before Dumbledore makes us all sit here for another hour and guess what he's been trying to act out with his fingers and his beard. I'm horrible at this game. He's been doing the same thing every time we play charades and still no one can guess what he's acting out.


End file.
